My Kinda' Living >
Parenting
Finding Answers to Underachievement
Finding answers to a child's underachievement is often a difficult
and complex process. Let intuition be your guide, knowing when and
how to ask the right questions. Here are 7 steps to get you
started:
1. Narrow the Problem.
By the time a family member or teacher steps in to help an
underachieving child, it may be months or years since problems may
have first appeared. It can be extremely difficult sorting out the
source of difficulties, and what problems (depression, anxiety,
apathy) are primary or secondary. Nevertheless, narrowing the
problem is often the most first step in finding specific answers to
underachievement, and realize it may take some time.
Look for patterns in certain subjects, assignments, homework, or
teachers. Are there more problems taking information in or getting
it out? Did things get more complicated in middle school or when
classroom expectations increased? Could there be a 'silent'
learning disability? Could your child be overscheduled? Are
problems related to subject areas like reading, writing, or
listening?
2. Identify Strengths.
Realize the importance of strengths in designing solutions.
Children need to feel good enough about themselves to have the
mental energy to tackle school frustrations. Underachieving
children often they have no strengths and they may even have
existential depression.
Also learning strengths should tell you the best routes for
overcoming learning or performance 'blocks'. Look for strengths in
personal or hands-on learning, language, or the visual arts.
Problem solve best memory routes and styles of expression.
3. Share Your Stories.
Realize that you are probably a powerful role model. Share your
realistic stories about learning difficulties, personal obstacles,
and discuss what you continue to grapple with. Be aware that
underachieving children easily succumb to 'catastrophism'.
Encourage them, and give them perspective.
4. Commit to a Change.
Most children are already exhausted and defeated by the time you
try to work with them. Encourage them to commit to a change and
start small. The answers will be found by problem solving, and
encourage them to celebrate every small bit of progress as it
arrives.
5. Don't Forget Your Parachute.
Encourage realism and don't expect all your changes to work the
first time. Underachieving children often need some aggressive
accommodations (reduced work load, assistive technology, adjusted
deadlines) at first to allow them to develop and become efficient
with new styles of processing information or expressing ideas.
Don't forget to take breaks and to enlist the cooperation of
teachers as you devise a plan for overcoming your child's
underachievement.
6. Adopt a Team Approach to Problem-Solving.
Partner with your child problem solving situations and crises. Let
your child express her worries and desires. Develop a plan that
seems sensible to you both, and then push forward.
7. Remember the Big Picture.
Realize that many of the anxieties of underachievement come from
personal fears of futility and catastrophe. Fears about time
running out and bleak futures need to be confronted and carted out
to the waste bin. What you need to do is focus on the present, plan
sensible changes, allow time to see their effects, and adjust plans
accordingly. Constantly redirect the focus on the big picture - how
can we help make them more happy, reduce their frustrations,
accentuate their talents, and prepare them for their future.
About the Authors:
Brock and Fernette Eide are physicians and consultants to a wide
range of parent, teacher, and clinical groups seeking more
information about learning and brain-based solutions. Together they
have authored more than 50 articles and they speak internationally
for keynote lectures, seminars, and small groups. The Eides have a
free Neurolearning Newsletter and can be contacted through their
website at:
www.neurolearning.com or by email at:
feide@u.washington.edu
or
drseide@neurolearning.com.
|